I used to live in an apartment with these huge closets once upon a time. I had a walk in closet and an extra two closets full of shelves. I managed to fill it out all with shoes, clothes, purses, craft supplies, notebooks, bedding, towels. I moved in with a third of that and before that luxurious apartment, I had even less. I kept buying shoes and clothes. I look back and my closet was amazing. God, I had so many cute clothes, outfit choices, just loads. I’d get so many compliments and my shoes. Oh the shoes, I had a kick ass collection of heels and boots.
Then I moved in with my toxic ex and downsized because there just wasn’t space. He was pissed I had all these beautiful clothes that in his mind allured the opposite sex. I was just tired of feeling I had to rummage through boxes and boxes of clothes to find what I needed. Even my shoes, my beloved shoes… I decided to cut in half so I could live in this meager space with someone I was in love with. I donated so much and would continue to give away. Sometimes, I gave away things I didn’t mean to because they just feel into those donation boxes. Others, I donated to assure my ex that I wasn’t trying to get anyone’s attention except his.
Luckily those days are gone and I can wear what I want when I want. But I also lived in a small apartment, my closet sadly is not even half the size of one the fancy ones I used to have once upon a time. I pride myself that I don’t go shopping as much because I did have a shopping addiction. Now I spend money on experiences (and notebooks I can’t quite them apparently!) and gifts for others. I lament still all the stuff I had. I liked having it, all the options for shoes and all the clothes. All the edgy outfits, the sea of color, I miss it so much.
I want to be like Marie Kondo and be on top of my shit. To get rid of stuff I don’t need, to stick what I love and the essentials. I attempted to do some re-organizing and cleaning but it still feels like I own so much. However I look in my closet and see how few clothes I have. I utilize the same pieces in a dozen outfits but I miss going to my favorite stores like Akira and Gap, ringing up new purchases of fabulous new clothes and accessories. I feel so predictable now. I went to a clothing swap last year which was useful but it’s still a roll of the dice. My boyfriend goes to thrift stores often and finds some gems. I just like that feeling of something brand new, never worn, just for me.
Messy Dynamic 