I was clearing out photos in my external hard drive. My most recent photos in there were from my haircut a couple years ago where I chopped off at least ten inches of my hair. I had all these photos from my old work that I could delete and then there were so many photographs of burgers and tacos. I can say without shame not a lot has changed. I also encountered my selfies with my short hair, edgier wardrobe and social adventures. I kept rifling through picture after picture, me at a party, me with my family, me on the train, people I meet by chance like these two old ladies on a girls only trip.
I mean what randomness first of all. Secondly, I used to go for it. I used to take chances and risks, I would be far more outgoing. That person has been dormant for the past year. My ex accused me of only being confident around my friends… I did a lot without my friends, alone and on my own. A lot of the reason I stayed in was because of my relationship. I am not trying to dive into dating, I am more on the side of a sociological experiment than finding love again.
I still am in love with my ex.
But I want to love myself more. I used to love myself way more. I want to get back to that.