That happened.

Last week, we had a meeting with our new headmistress at our school. She is an upfront, very earnest woman from what I saw so far.

She had many inquiries for us staff. Boy, did I have answers for these questions. I discussed the pros of the role I have at the school and what goes well at the school. The team is very supportive and laidback. Whenever someone needs a favor, if we can provide we do. There are many jobs where I have seen people look out for themselves. Here, it’s very much “we’re going through this” together dynamic. I don’t know my coworkers particularly well because I personally do not have much time to get that one-on-one time. Plus, I have some serious boundaries that can both help and hinder my social skills.

As for changes, there were many I thought could be made especially for those who share my role as a learning assistant. Most of all, I came to the conclusion that no matter how many changes were made… I do not want to be a learning assistant anymore.

I do not want to be a teacher. It’s not because I do not value teachers or the work that is done… My dream job isn’t to have my classroom and stay there for years to come. I cringe at the idea of staying in the same place for too long and to have to follow these set out topics each month or term. It’s not my cup of tea. I also don’t want to run eternal errands for others, I enjoy helping someone out but doing the little jobs no one cares to do… It’s hard to say no when you’re at the bottom of the social ladder. Additionally, I like talking to the children more so than getting them to whatever level they’re supposed to get to in their reading, mathematics, etc. My gift isn’t the getting them to understand multiplication or adjectives. I prefer the emotional/social aspect.

So what do I want to do and why am I in education?

I thought I would have it all figured out by now. Whenever I feel like I’ve had enough and that no one appreciates me, it’s the children that keep me going. But I know eventually, they’ll move on and I have this opportunity to tell the headmistress, “hey! I’ve got more in me than cutting out menorah shapes and asking children critical questions about their reading books!” The problem lies in when do I want to do? What can I do in a school?!

Here’s what I want to do: Write. I just love writing and stories. That’s what I’m about. How to turn that into a job at this school is the question I’m tackling. We have a director of communications and assisting her sounds more of my jam what with the social media and writing up blogs. The only issue: sitting at a desk the whole time. I’m not a good sitting at the desk for long periods of time person. What if I can combine the communication part with visiting other schools and boom, brand new job where I get to travel a bit and write about it?! In an ideal world, this could be a thing.

If it’s not going to be a thing… I can try and try again till I find that thing.

I keep going back and forth in my head, was being that honest the best idea? Am I going to get a slip or email saying “dude pack your bags, we can’t have someone who doesn’t want to do as we say around here.”

For now, I listen to some holiday tunes, lay here with my Finding Nemo blanket and mouth guard on dreaming of that thing that’ll have me waking up in the morning fulfilled.

Advertisements