How Far I’ve Come

I made it. Here I am after my first semester of graduate school. I survived… More than survived, I worked my arse off for high marks in my courses. It’s hard to believe all that time, all that writing and relearning/learning that occurred. How everything will continue and I will continue to evolve in my academic and professional career. I can hardly believe it, it’s happening.

Indeed, more has happened. Romantically, my life is unlike anything I ever imagined. The serenity I feel in love with Stephen and the support, it’s unlike anything I’ve experienced. For some people love is meant to send them in an obsession but for me that’s too unhealthy. I find peace and affection with Stephen, we make plans and that come together even if it’s not the way we envisioned. When I fall apart, he’s there to hold me and search for a solution as my equal.

I feel like I can see our life together and it’s so real, so loving, so adventurous.

I am hoping to accomplish even more. One regret I had of this past year was the lack of writing I did. I sort of put that to the way side and I continue to struggle to write creatively on a regular basis. Now that I am on holiday, I hope to find a way to incorporate a way to write for fun and not only for school. We shall see. Here’s to the Christmas and the joy it’ll bring. On to more goals and achievements and failures and snafus with my love and my family and friends.


That happened.

Last week, we had a meeting with our new headmistress at our school. She is an upfront, very earnest woman from what I saw so far.

She had many inquiries for us staff. Boy, did I have answers for these questions. I discussed the pros of the role I have at the school and what goes well at the school. The team is very supportive and laidback. Whenever someone needs a favor, if we can provide we do. There are many jobs where I have seen people look out for themselves. Here, it’s very much “we’re going through this” together dynamic. I don’t know my coworkers particularly well because I personally do not have much time to get that one-on-one time. Plus, I have some serious boundaries that can both help and hinder my social skills.

As for changes, there were many I thought could be made especially for those who share my role as a learning assistant. Most of all, I came to the conclusion that no matter how many changes were made… I do not want to be a learning assistant anymore.

I do not want to be a teacher. It’s not because I do not value teachers or the work that is done… My dream job isn’t to have my classroom and stay there for years to come. I cringe at the idea of staying in the same place for too long and to have to follow these set out topics each month or term. It’s not my cup of tea. I also don’t want to run eternal errands for others, I enjoy helping someone out but doing the little jobs no one cares to do… It’s hard to say no when you’re at the bottom of the social ladder. Additionally, I like talking to the children more so than getting them to whatever level they’re supposed to get to in their reading, mathematics, etc. My gift isn’t the getting them to understand multiplication or adjectives. I prefer the emotional/social aspect.

So what do I want to do and why am I in education?

I thought I would have it all figured out by now. Whenever I feel like I’ve had enough and that no one appreciates me, it’s the children that keep me going. But I know eventually, they’ll move on and I have this opportunity to tell the headmistress, “hey! I’ve got more in me than cutting out menorah shapes and asking children critical questions about their reading books!” The problem lies in when do I want to do? What can I do in a school?!

Here’s what I want to do: Write. I just love writing and stories. That’s what I’m about. How to turn that into a job at this school is the question I’m tackling. We have a director of communications and assisting her sounds more of my jam what with the social media and writing up blogs. The only issue: sitting at a desk the whole time. I’m not a good sitting at the desk for long periods of time person. What if I can combine the communication part with visiting other schools and boom, brand new job where I get to travel a bit and write about it?! In an ideal world, this could be a thing.

If it’s not going to be a thing… I can try and try again till I find that thing.

I keep going back and forth in my head, was being that honest the best idea? Am I going to get a slip or email saying “dude pack your bags, we can’t have someone who doesn’t want to do as we say around here.”

For now, I listen to some holiday tunes, lay here with my Finding Nemo blanket and mouth guard on dreaming of that thing that’ll have me waking up in the morning fulfilled.