Ready for it

I am ready for the coming year, the challenges and victories and losses. I don’t know what to expect but I don’t want to hesitate. I have so much to be grateful for despite the state of this country and the violent reality of daily life. I’m still here and I want to continue rallying for what I believe is most important.


I want to nurture my creativity and drive. I want to continue even when it’s hard. I want to be relentless in my pursuit of my goals.


Past Lives

I can’t explain it properly at all.

It’s happened in dreams and when I walk around a city. Most recently it happened when I saw a photo from someone’s powerpoint.

That strong feeling that I had been to that place before. I had seen it with my own eyes when I have not visited in this lifetime. What is that feeling? This sensation that a city or structure is so familiar. That I know a place intimately despite never having set foot there.

Could it be past lives?

There’s this sense of connection and recognition. I can’t explain it but it’s there deep down, I feel it in my soul.


I am 1/5 of the way there for this novel. I have to admit some parts are fucking nuts and don’t make sense. I also did a little prologue about how this supernatural universe was created and it’s pretty wonky, weird, I don’t know if it makes sense to fit with the novel since it has next to nothing to do with the main plot… yet? We shall see. It is crazy trippy and totally spits in the faces of origin myths/stories that exist for main religions. Oh well! I did it anyway.

My poor boyfriend is making dinner and isn’t used to hearing me so silent tapping away on my keyboard, seeing indiscernible scrawl in my notebooks and eating this much candy. This is my life right now. This month I have to do this because I’ve been putting it off and letting my procrastination win. I admit that the Cubs win and the Ireland win in the face of adversity is inspiring me. If these underdogs can make it work, so can I.

I have to do it for me. No more writing on message boards where only a few people can see it and where I get caught up on photos and skip entire plot points. I am going to keep writing ridiculous novels and one day get them edited and published. That’s the goal. Still can’t get over how crazy my novel is sounding so far. I have to tell my internal critic to shut up all the damn time!

Thank to NaNoWriMo for kicking me into gear and the Chicago chapter for being there for me this week in my time of need.

Am I Still A Writer?

I used to write like all the time and I used to write on these message boards for other people. Occasionally, I think about all my cool ideas I would have and now I don’t write much in regards to fiction and it concerns me immensely. Am I no longer a writer anymore? I journal less and I haven’t kept up with any of my ideas as I intended. But I can’t go back to writing on a message board. Its time had to end, it felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I need inspiration. I follow writers on all types of social media and it all hits me but I haven’t gone to a blank sheet to write out these ideas more thoroughly. What is it that’s stalling me?

Of course, this thought enters my brain when I am looking at psychology programs because I am seriously considering getting my master’s. My therapist prompted me to seek out a career instead of just a job doing whatever. I like working at a school, I like working with kids. I don’t like having a classroom. I do like working in small groups. Talking to kids on an emotional level, sharing stories, and taking a break from the curriculum. Ideally, I wish I could do art therapy with them or something along those lines but being a school psychologist I could ask the schools what they expect of me and see if our missions align.

As my interest was peeked and I asked the associate chair of the program my questions, she mentioned the books she wrote about neuropsychology. I thought about my book plans in the past. These novels in my head, unfinished and unwritten.

NaNoWriMo approaches and I have yet to ever finish a novel. Will I constantly be chasing these novels in my head or can I manage to get one down? If I go to school, I’ll have a lot less down time and I have loads now but I still haven’t done it. I am just scared these ideas will float away into the ether.

Can I even call myself a writer anymore?