Stealing

This is a confession I wrote randomly one day, possibly months ago when I thought of my compulsive klepto tendencies of my youth that can still pop up…

I used to steal a lot of things as a kid. Nothing too pricey just those… small things like Barbie clothes, accessories, then it grew to cheap jewelry, a hand mirror my cousin adored, a brand new wallet someone had for show and tell… sometime si didn’t even want the things i stole. I just wanted them because someone else liked them so. I decided impulsively that maybe i’d like it. Funny enough usually I’d give those stolen items as gifts.

There were a couple items I stole that I genuinely liked… those 5 subject notebooks. God I was such a kid from the 90s. My parents refused to get me those 5 star notebooks nearly all my friends had them. Then this Polish kid got it to use for a journal and I was so jealous. I was so mad that he had one and I took it! It was horrible that I did that because he was actually my friend. He got a replacement… and I was so greedy I took that one too. I was mean. I felt remorse the second time. I saw the frustration on his face when he found out the second one was gone.

I  never did fill up those notebooks I was more the composition single subject mini notebooks person in the end!

I would also steal school books. I took a copy of Catcher in the Rye, One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Romeo and Juliet, I got my best friend in on it too.

The one time I wish I had remorse was the time I didn’t have any… And it was the worst thing I stole. I stole $200 from my mother’s diary. She kept a war of cash there since our trip to Guatemala when I was 9. I remember because we both kept diaries and hers was so much prettier than mine. I always had a keen eye for things that I found pretty and also for meaningful objects. The cash. I didn’t get any allowances really and following that trip everything in my family life really fell apart.

My dad’s abuse of my mother got out of hands x100. We moved, my brother got to stay and live with his best friend to finish school while I was stuck moving to a new boring town and try to make new friends. My mother in turn abused my father. And I saw how my parents were manipulative and controlling. I got into some of the worst trouble then. Not even because I was naughty. I really wasn’t. It’s because I was alone and my parents didn’t know how to deal with me. I always had to be the mature one and the grown up. I had to take the high road every time. I was punished often. They a way to project on me and I only found anger and needs for escape.

So many times my mother yelled, lost her mind over stupid shit. I had my fill.

So I snooped in her stuff and I usually did for clothes but I knew of that diary. And I took it all. I spent it on the most frivolous things. At Claire’s on costume jewelry, notebooks, on a Toni Braxton CD, going to get food. To this day. No guilt over that.

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