Slipping

I have been barely coping. I have to be real about my anxiety and seriously I have been skating by for a long time. It is this pressure on my chest that I have lived with for years and breaking free from unhealthy habits and people has helped significantly. But I go through cycles of being ok and not being ok. This particular cycle has me barely hanging on and feeling myself slipping and sliding back to that dark place. That dark place where I can’t even get up or go outside. 

It scares the shit out of me. I am scared of so much and now add the possibility to slipping back into depression because of my anxiety triggers, I am this big ball of fear and shame. It sucks. Big time. My therapist recommended seeing a physician and/or psychiatrist. That is a huge deal for me.

I have been trying to coexist with these feelings sans medication for years. When I first entered therapy it was a possibility and now it feels that it is a certainty that it will happen. I have never tried to treat it that way before. I am not committed to it yet but god what would it feel like to take the edge off of it? My therapist assured me I would still be me… what if I could have that weight off my chest lifted? To breathe without restraint… that would be life changing. 

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