Lines Drawn

There’s something to be said about someone showing their genuine interest in you. It’s this little adrenaline rush and if you feel you connected with them, it’s even more exciting. But when that happens and you’re in a relationship it’s so weird.

I had that happen and it’s happened in the past. Most recent occurrence, it happened when I attended a wedding solo because most guests weren’t given a plus one unless they were married. I went and it was my dear friends’ betrothal so I was having the time of my life. I was very social and very in the moment. I’m an extroverted introvert to the max and this evening, I was around close friends and I was in my element. That’s where I met this guy who I presumed to be gay, usually my gaydar is pretty spot on. He seemed like fun so I connected with him on a friendship level quickly. Yes, he’s good looking but nothing to make me stop dead in my tracks. The wedding was in the planetarium and there were restricted areas, my friend Deb, Stacey and I decided we should break the rules and enter the restricted areas. This guy joined us and he was a very good sport of being a look out etc.

Anyway, a few days later I didn’t think much of it when he added me on social media. He messaged me and said he had a wonderful time that evening and it was a pleasure to meet me. I figured he sent a message like this to the other girls and said I had a blast, we were all obviously meant to be friends. I left it at that and didn’t send anything back. Some time elapsed maybe a few more days before he opened up about the fact he was very drawn to me, he wanted to get to know me and take me out regardless of his schedule. I was caught so off guard by the forwardness and vulnerability he was showing.

I’m not used to people being so vulnerable with me so soon, I feel like it was such a brave move but I was confused too because he had invited me to concerts in the previous message. Those concerts were a group thing and now there was this taking me out to stuff message. Was this a group or couple thing? My girlfriends said it was plainly obvious which one it was but I need things spelled out to me sometimes.

I also hated the idea of being that person who is all “I have a boyfriend…” I mean he’s obviously gone out on a limb BUT the truth is I do have a boyfriend and it’s a serious thing. I love my Irishman.

It just got me thinking why do we like the attention because it’s happened to my friends too. I like it some of them like it too. Parts of me wants to know what would happen and before with my ex, I would really let my mind wander because he always accused me of cheating or some guy wanting to get with me. Funnily enough it made me really want to know what it was like to be with others despite being faithful.

My current boyfriend trusts me and this has been the first time someone’s tried to ask me out in a real way since we got back together. I was of course flattered and I knew if I was single I would definitely be interested but I’m not. So I replied back I’m taken.

But the interactions haven’t stopped, he still messages. I found him to be friendly at first but these are “get to know you” conversations and there’s usually no prompting the exchange. I love getting to know people but I’m wary. I love the attention and I can’t lie, I’ve gotten a confidence boost from this. However, the person I message the most is my boyfriend and I want to keep it that way.

Before my Irishman and I got back together, I was texting others and whenever I would meet up with him during that gray area time–I would hide my messages. Now that we are full disclosure with each other, I don’t want to repeat that phase. It was during a period of time that I wasn’t sure if I was in something out of comfort or out of healthy love. I had to date around and see, when I did and I returned I had to make a decision. I decided there was no more messing around. I want to be in this, all in and without anything hidden or anything unsaid. It’s been tricky this week because my boyfriend has been in Ireland visiting family.

I needed lots of attention and he was giving it to me from afar. But I hadn’t a chance to tell him that I got hit on and that this guy continues to message me. I want to share everything even the uncomfortable shit. He told me once that there are some things that should be my own but this is one of those things I have to share. I’m not doing anything wrong but I feel weird. I guess for myself I draw the line here. It went from trying to ask me out and sticking to friendship to still seeking me out. That’s not ok with me.

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